yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
