I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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