Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I need to stop coming to work sober
i came on her dog
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
