you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
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She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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