absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Someone signed my nipple.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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