the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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