i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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