Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
