I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
