I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
