K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
