i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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