Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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