So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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