a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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