just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
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I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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