yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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