When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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