if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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