My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
