I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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