I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
