wat bout pragnant strippers??
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
