I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
