You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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