doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
