Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
