also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
