It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
