Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize