White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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