I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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