That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
