We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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