I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
