Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
