How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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