Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
