two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
