I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
