I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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