We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
