I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
