I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize