Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
