Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
