bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
