Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
