My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
