On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
