A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
