i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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