The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
