when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
