Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
