Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine

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(515): does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine http://tfl.nu/uuy6

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(734): View more from Michigan

Pregnant stripper...not hot.

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(734): Pregnant stripper...not hot. http://tfl.nu/9fe2

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.

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(843): Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place. http://tfl.nu/9vyk

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?

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(978): so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call? http://tfl.nu/91ao

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(843): View more from South Carolina

He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..

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(843): He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex.. http://tfl.nu/g01t

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(860): View more from Connecticut

it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once

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(860): it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once http://tfl.nu/6yr8

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(302): View more from Delaware

you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.

(1-302): View more from Delaware

he's 29.

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(302): you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son. (1-302): he's 29. http://tfl.nu/ab19

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(720): View more from Colorado

New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

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(720): New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future? http://tfl.nu/5rnd

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.

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(604): Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling. http://tfl.nu/zskd

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.

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(+44): I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles. http://tfl.nu/lwcx

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(905): View more from Ontario

Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.

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(905): Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today. http://tfl.nu/u9so

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(269): View more from Michigan

I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.

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(269): I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them. http://tfl.nu/bvne

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(614): View more from Ohio

Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD

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(614): Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD http://tfl.nu/nf04

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests

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(857): Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests http://tfl.nu/5mbt

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(513): View more from Ohio

I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.

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(513): I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move. http://tfl.nu/stfw

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