he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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