I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
