i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
