he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
