I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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