Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
