I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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