I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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