This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
