Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish you could order shots online.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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