Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
