i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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