you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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