this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
