Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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