Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
