Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
