hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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