she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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