never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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