i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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