So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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